


These hands had to let it go free (And this love came back to me)

by iriseslineherpath



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, It's a Wonderful Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 22:38:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8942182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iriseslineherpath/pseuds/iriseslineherpath
Summary: Sam could be normal with Jess, but he still surprised her whenever she glimpsed the weird life he had lived before meeting her. “You’ve never watched It’s a Wonderful Life  before?” she asked incredulously.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1f_this_be_madness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/gifts).



Sam watched _It’s a Wonderful Life_ with Jess.

He’d already seen _Mary Poppins_ with her because it was her favorite movie growing up. He’d gasped when Mary Poppins flew and rolled his eyes when Jess said Dick van Dyck was cute. The movies he watched with Jess weren’t like the movies he had grown up watching. Sam couldn’t even remember watching classic kids’ movies (except for _Bambi_ ), instead watching the movies Dean raved about. He had watched just about every John Wayne flick before he’s even heard of _The Wizard of Oz_. It wasn’t until he was twelve that he had begun to realize that Dean’s tastes in hyper-masculine movies were atypical. Although he had gained an impressive arsenal of pop-culture references from watching whatever their motel du jour received, Dean always seemed to avoid family favorites.

But in Jess Sam had finally found family. Not the desperate, uncomfortable, dangerous codependency that his brother and father had imposed on him, but rather an easy, breathable love. Sam found that without a constant fear for the safety of his new-found family, he was able to relax into happiness. He could be normal.

Sam could be normal with Jess, but he still surprised her whenever she glimpsed the weird life he had lived before meeting her. “You’ve never watched _It’s a Wonderful Life_ before?” she asked incredulously. “It’s been on TV every Christmas Eve since, I don’t know, probably as long as TVs have been around. You can’t have Christmas Eve without it.”

Sam glanced away and back, mouth twitching up into a sad smile. “Okay, I really doubt ABC had 25 Days of Christmas in the 50s. And I’ve…never really done Christmas before. Not the whole happy family, ‘it’s a Christmas miracle thing’ anyway.”

Jess’ eyes widened. “Your fam—” she began before stopping. She knew better than to ask about his family. “Uh, okay, Grinch, looks like you’re in for the full sugar plum goodness this year.”

She stayed true to her word—although thankfully without a trip to _The Nutcracker_. Which was how Sam came to be sipping hot chocolate while watching _It’s a Wonderful Life_  on Christmas Eve, curled up with his girlfriend. Sam’s throat clenched tightly when George Bailey saved his brother from drowning and sustained hearing loss in one ear. Sam remembered Dean holding a shotgun poised to protect Sam—so many times. But Sam identified more with George than with his brother. He certainly understood a reluctance to go into the family business.

Sam snuggled closer to Jess and tried to just enjoy it as a Christmas movie. The fact that George still found love and happiness while working in the family business had no bearing on his own family situation.

The total absence of the supernatural in the movie helped. He always had trouble taking movies seriously when they tried to show vampires or ghosts and only made a complete mess of it. But angels—there was no way a movie could possibly misrepresent them. The fact that Sam had never seen one at once preserved their holiness and their omnipresence. They could be anywhere, everywhere, and so their presence in Hollywood was as logical as in a church.

“Do you believe in angels?” he asked Jess as the credits were rolling.

She twisted under his arm wrapped around her shoulders and looked up at him. “You mean, do I believe in twinkling stars that need to help people to earn their wings?” She cracked a smile. “That doesn’t seem likely, especially the part about bells. But, I mean, I guess they could exist. My mom says they’re watching over us. It was kind of creepy as a kid when I imagined naked babies with wings watching me all the time.”

Sam laughed. “Yeah, I get that. I—my family never really talked about angels. Not that I can remember anyway. They were more the kind of people to talk about demons than about angels, you know? As far as they were concerned the only thing watching over me was my brother Dean. But I pray. Because there’s still so much good in the world that it doesn’t make sense to believe in agents of evil but not of good. ” He kissed Jess softly, trying to show her what he meant about goodness, and how she had been the final proof of that.

Jess cupped the side of his face, leaning up in an attempt to look Sam closer in the eye. “Sam, you and my mom can talk about angels all you want tomorrow, okay? Like, seriously, my parents are going to love you.” She paused and bit her lip, seeming unsure to continue. “And sweetie, I totally get not wanting to see them, but not even calling them on Christmas? Are they really that bad?”

Sam sighed. “My family is kind of—messed up. You know it’s just my dad and my brother because my mom died when I was a baby. And we moved around a lot and my dad was—ha—emotionally closed off. And I’m still angry at them, at my dad. But they’re still my family you know, so I….I can’t be the one to beg for forgiveness, though. And Christmas doesn’t mean much to them. They won’t even notice if I don’t call.” Sam imagined John and Dean hunting a wendigo in a snow-laden forest. They probably didn’t even know it was Christmas Eve.

But Sam had Jess. He had found his family and Christmas in an apartment in Stanford filled with the smell of gingerbread and pine, with the life they were building together.

“Let’s watch this again next year,” Sam told Jess.

“Okay,” she said smiling. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Jess,” he murmured.


End file.
